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HeyThisIsntTheYMCA ,
@HeyThisIsntTheYMCA@lemmy.world avatar

Why would they fight them off? Why would they not just put a blanket on their lap and say PSPSPSPSPS

hungryphrog ,

I have to send this to my friends right now.
-Sincerely, totally not a cat.

nandeEbisu ,

Dude, I couldn’t take one cat.

Enkrod ,
@Enkrod@feddit.de avatar

There are around 2.5 million ants for every human on earth.

If the ants collectively decided we should go, they could kill all of us in a day. The only places that would be safe are Antarctica (population varies between 4400 and 1100) and Greenland (population 56,643).

And don’t expect some scientists at the south pole or Greenlanders to repopulate the world, the scientists couldn’t and the Greenlanders wouldn’t out of spite.

ToeNailClippings ,

Wait, does this include lions and tigers? Or is he on about persian domestics?

sushibowl ,

Any other feline species probably contributes insignificant numbers compared to Felis Catus.

Still, would suck to be the Scotsman who gets matched up with 113 housecats and 1 tiger.

ToeNailClippings ,

“Nooooo… eat them first!!!”

m3t00 ,
@m3t00@lemmy.world avatar

Metalocalypse episode where they drop off their kid(fatty Ding-Dongs) on an island of feral cats which was a tax write-off. …fandom.com/…/The_Dethklok_Home_For_Wayward_Kitti…

seth ,

With enough Scotch tape they could tape each pair of cats back to back and have 300 million perpetual motion machines. Find a way to harness that energy and you could power the world!

Sanctus ,
@Sanctus@lemmy.world avatar

All this would do is add 600 million scots

Anticorp ,

Have you ever seen a highland claymore? They could slice through 10 cats at a time. Never bet against the Scotts.

gullible ,

You have to picture this feline invasion of Scotland from a realistic perspective to fully understand the long-term strategic implications involved in the purge. Getting cats to engage in guerrilla warfare is like herding cats. The whiskered menace will obliterate every available source of food within the week, leading to complete systemic collapse and infighting. Morale will drop, fraggings will spike, and the kitty command structure will fall. Not to mention the strategic advantage yielded by humans tolerating small amounts of water on their feet and this being Scotland. I think the scots have a fair shot at this if they can ration resources.

Deceptichum ,
@Deceptichum@kbin.social avatar

I think cats will do fine in Scotland.

https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Scottish_wildcat

Carighan ,
@Carighan@lemmy.world avatar

Oh No! It’s adapting! 😱

HeyThisIsntTheYMCA ,
@HeyThisIsntTheYMCA@lemmy.world avatar

They’re PSPSPSPSPSing each other in the photo on wikipedia what hath man wrought

Phantaminum ,

This is like Uruguay vs Kangaroo 🦘

wrath_of_grunge ,
@wrath_of_grunge@kbin.social avatar

sounds like somebody has never heard of Dwarf Fortress and the time they updated the cats.

"I added taverns to fortress mode, so the dwarves will go to a proper establishment, get mugs, and make orders, and they’ll drink in the mug," Adams said. "And, you know, things happen, mugs get spilled, there’s some alcohol on the ground.

"Now, the cats would walk into the taverns, right, and because of the old blood footprint code from, like, eight years ago or something, they would get alcohol on their feet. It was originally so people could pad blood around, but now any liquid, right, so they get alcohol on their feet. And then I wanted to add cleaning stuff so when people were bathing, or I even made eyelids work for no reason, because I do random things sometimes. So cats will lick and clean themselves, and on a lark, when I made them clean themselves I’m like, ‘Well, it’s a cat. When you do lick cleaning, you actually ingest the thing that you’re cleaning off, right? They make hairballs, so they must swallow something, right?' And so the cats, when they cleaned the alcohol off their feet, they all got drunk. Because they were drinking.

But the numbers were off on that. I had never thought about, you know, activating inebriation syndromes back when I was adding the cleaning stuff. I was just like, ‘Well, they ingest it and they get a full dose,’ but a full dose is a whole mug of alcohol for a cat-sized creature, and it does all the blood alcohol size-based calculations, so the cats would get sick and vomit all over the tavern."

after the update there were so many dead cats everywhere. alcohol is a solution, and all that.

YtA4QCam2A9j7EfTgHrH ,

that game is so fucking good

Tangent5280 ,

Jesus christ the dev is a mad scientist. Eyelids? Madman.

Rhynoplaz ,

I’m actually surprised that there aren’t more cats than that. People are getting close to 8 billion, and there aren’t even 1 billion cats? I expected their numbers to be much closer to humans.

OutlierBlue ,

I’ve got multiple cats

https://lemmy.ca/pictrs/image/5f349706-67a6-4c7a-ae30-053cb3a9a326.jpeg

Sotuanduso ,

Well, y’know, a housecat can kill a level 1 commoner.

Sotuanduso ,

If I had the time, I’d use Pathfinder stats to run a full simulation. What I know is that in Pathfinder, a commoner has 3 HP and can thus survive 1 round (albeit staggered,) and a rifle wielded by a commoner has a 35% chance to kill ~95% of a cat on average (1d10 damage vs 3 HP.) Also cats have +14 Stealth and I assume they wouldn’t be charging through an open field, so a commoner has ~10% chance to notice one (nat 1 or nat 20 required.)

This is assuming those are all housecats.

Sotuanduso ,

Let’s say an average Scottish military member is a level 2 warrior with +1 in each physical ability score, Weapon Focus, 2 ranks in Perception, and leather armor.

13 HP, 13 AC, +3 to hit, 1d10 damage, +5 Perception.

50% chance to hit a cat, same 95% kill. Only now the cat has to make 14 hits, and each is only a 60% chance to hit. The cat’s advantage is still 3 attacks per round.

I’m running a quick Python script to simulate this, rolling proper damage. Survey says a cat has ~1.3% chance to kill a soldier. Since all the cat’s damage output is nonlethal, we can assume it heals between fights. Bump that down to 1.2% after factoring in a 10% chance that the soldier sees the cat coming and shoots it from afar.

That means an average soldier should be able to kill ~83 cats before going down. Scotland doesn’t stand a chance.

salt ,
@salt@lemmings.world avatar

Well, what are we waiting for?

agent_flounder ,
@agent_flounder@lemmy.world avatar

Release the cats of war!

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