Okay, serious time: I actually did look it up after I finished freaking out and it turns out the thing is a palmetto bug AKA an American cockroach. I have it trapped in a Mason jar and I spent the goddamn afternoon clearing everything out of my room to make sure there are no other creepy-crawlies. There weren’t any; the damn thing probably just got in from outside on account of summer ending.
I am serious about killing it, though. From what I read, those things spread everything from E. coli to salmonella to fucking Flood infection spores and that means it’s not safe or just to just let it out. It seriously could get into a neighbor’s house and spread pestilence and disease and shit.
I’ll douse it with some boric acid or DE or something. Something good and effective.
I never knew cockroaches could get that damn… big D: