Queer German woc here. And in tech too ! :D Yes, I do find it conservative. I live in Berlin. For all the hate that non Berliners like to lay on Berlin, it’s an accepting vibrant place. And if you are vegan, you’ll be spoilt for dining options. Vietnamese is crazy good here. And, concerts, there are multiple shows for different genres practically everyday. And several of them at sort of low-key underground places with their own charm. Berlin has its pitfalls but I don’t underestimate the peace of not being stared at constantly for just living my life. Oh, and racism in rural areas: If you ain’t white, enjoy some extra stares even when grocery shopping. Living outside the ring zone will give you the relatively quiet life you want. Rent is not cheap though. Cheaper than Munich though. But the rental crisis here is no joke either. There are some fun hacker and maker spaces here in Berlin: xhain and cbase for example that could be interesting for you. One thing I do live about Munich: if you are a hiker / mountain climber, that place is excellent. So many mountains and trails are nearby !!
Would you be able to afford remote workcation kinda thing ? You can test out the cities and see how you vibe with it.