Benzodiazepine addiction. Was abusing etizolam at first then graduated to clonazolam and was getting fucked up and going to work. I have no idea how I didn’t get fired honestly. I have some videos of myself doing things and I’m clearly fucked, but I suppose I didn’t get that twisted for work. My memory went to shit and a bunch of other things did too, because who gives a shit when you’re constantly wrecked. Weight dropped from normal 185lbs to a skinny ass 165lbs. Mind you, I’m 6’3”. It wasn’t a good look.
It took me 2 years to slowly taper down and that still was a pretty shitty process. Now I’m 9 months clean and up to 205 lbs by lifting weights and actually eating.
What a nightmare. Fuck benzos and godspeed to anyone who’s been using them for longer than a few weeks. Even at clinical doses you’re going to be in some shit when you stop. You’ll be glad you did, though. I’m helping a friend quit etizolam after I told him of my problems and he told me of his addiction. He’s doing great and making a lot of progress on the taper. It helps so much to have someone you can talk to.
A less serious answer - Reddit. Fuck em for killing the apps. Lemmy has been pretty great except for a few rare encounters with tankies. I genuinely enjoy posting here, the smallness is great.