I’m not going to address your question, but I will say I married at 23, divorced at 30, and married again at 37. And I’ll tell you I didn’t know what real love was until I married my second wife. I have 5 kids now (3 step) and while life is far from perfect, I’m pretty happy with what I’ve got.
I can also tell you that your projection of your own lack of self esteem is incredibly unattractive. Learn to love and enjoy yourself and the rest might follow, but until then I can tell you that the way you talk about yourself presents a person that would be very difficult to enjoy being in a relationship with. Your defeatist attitude just sucks any kind of positive energy out of the conversation. You don’t have to change that and there is no guarantee of reward if you do, but you should probably acknowledge that you are in fact choosing to be far less inviting than you could.