I’m actually George Clooney. (This is my alt.) And if you think you get a lot of texts from politicians begging for money, try being me. I had to turn on my burner phone for my wife my because her bestie said men with two phones cheat. I was like, “I’m not fucking the entire Democratic Party, Amal. If I gave them my real number, my iPhone would buzz every 2 seconds like this Boost Mobile one. We’d have to use walkie-talkies to plan dinner.”