I don’t know where you’re from, but you referred to it as “maths” so I’m sending links to hotlines for countries that would refer to it as “maths.” I hope this helps. Please try giving them a call instead of ending yourself.
I’m just a stranger, but I don’t want you to harm yourself. It’s not worth it. I know life is a struggle, I have cancer in the USA, and it fucking sucks, I have the cost of it hanging over my head daily. Please, there are people who care about you, even strangers online, please, please reconsider that thought.