I’m often seen as calm even though I have my frustrated outbursts. The one thing I make sure to do is not direct that frustration towards other living things.
As you mentioned in the dog analogy, I’ll outwardly vocalize what I could have done to avoid the situation and own the blame. I have a couple dogs as well. If I’m upset enough that I notice a change in their behavior I’ll play with them to show its okay. Now that I think about it, they started bringing me toys when I’m upset which has a calming effect on its own.
I want other people witnessing my tantrum to understand I’m frustrated with myself. There is always something I could have done to improve/avoid the situation. On the rare occasion I’m unable to self regulate I’ll remove myself and take time to reflect. Sometimes it takes a night of sleep.
I’ve lived with a number of narcissistic and borderline personality types throughout my life. Seeing and experiencing the damage one can do with anger, I’ve made it a core principal to never project my own shortcomings onto another living thing.
For situations where one could not have done anything, I’ll resort to assertiveness principals if I’m not okay with another’s behavior or accept the the situation and go into “fix it” mode to mitigate what’s in my control.
Key point I suppose is to remove anger, shaming, eluded ignorance, and other forms of manipulative behaviors as a means to control others and to see every frustration as a test of my principals.