Thanks for the suggestion, but unfortunately no, I don’t have local friends. My POTS makes it hard for me to be out and about for long periods of time (I get lightheadedness and brain fog after just a few minutes of standing).
I try to be the best friend I can be to myself and live life in the moment. I tell myself that how proud I am of myself and that it’s okay to be scared or sad. When nobody else will tell me these things and when I feel so dehumanized and isolated, I try to treat myself with warmth and compassion where none exists.
I feel grateful that I had the chance to experience life at all. I got to experience so many amazing things - incredible video games, a fulfilling programming hobby, and the cutest of cat pictures. I always wanted to live my life building cool and interesting projects, and I’ve already built a website that well over 100,000 people used, solved problems that nobody else had before, and got my work featured in several videos on YouTube by people I considered celebrities. I shouldn’t be ashamed if a health problem I can’t control cuts my life short, because I did the best I could and kicked major ass while doing so.
I think of the YouTube creators I really enjoyed whose lives were tragically cut short in their 20s. Talented, entertaining, and charismatic individuals who continued their passions and shined brightly until the very end. I think the most humane existence I can give myself, for however much time I have left, is to keep doing what I love too, for as long as I still can.