Your wife’s macbook and your desktop rely on swap space under pressure while your android will start killing apps.
As for your question
How much ram is needed if you’re not gaming or video editing?
The answer will vary depending on your use case and how long you intend to use your current smartphone and if it will receive future OS upgrades. If you plan to keep the smartphone for longer than 2 years get the higher ram variant with more storage.
In my case, it’s a very occasional picture or video recorded and then just social media apps and web
Get at least 8gb of ram smartphone for smooth operation. 6gb is serviceable but it will be a bottleneck down the line in a few years. You don’t necessarily need 12gb of ram. It’s just nice and makes things smooth overall. You have budget smartphones with 12gigs of ram. If the price is not high get it. Otherwise, you should be fine.