Sometimes I have thoughts that make me go “Wow what a stupid thought, let’s make sure no one knows I even thought that” and here you are posting yours on the internet for the world to see.
This was one of those that should have made you go “Wow what a stupid thought, let’s make sure no one knows I even thought that”, looks like you’re dumber than you thought.
This is great context. Particularly as it highlights the differences in gendered experiences. For women it’s in some ways a demand for attractiveness while for men it’s more of a literal command that is more likely to be used in self policing (that is men policing masculine expectations of other men). Also notable that both sentiments seem to be more likely to come from men.
As someone who presents masculine, I have gotten the "be a man" treatment from women several times. Ultimately it does come from a patriarchal standard of society, but its something that is perpetuated by everyone, consciously or otherwise. Not discounting what you are saying, but I think it's important to highlight that toxic masculinity can come from anywhere.
This is absolutely true. I’ve thought about this a lot in reference to a study I once saw on how early education professionals are far more likely to be right-leaning women and how that plays into this phenomena (a cursory google search did not turn up a wealth of evidence so take that with a grain of salt). Particularly because I think that policing of masculinity from women in positions of authority can be incredibly salient for young boys. Unfortunately, for some it is unlikely that they will be exposed to a more feminist perspective until later in life, sometimes much later.
It’s because ultimately we all value ‘strength’ (of varying sorts) over ‘weakness’. We are still far from socially internalising “strength is being able to show weakness”, because in part you need to be strong to deal with the expected pushback of being OK with being ‘weak’.
The biggest problem is that many people require the grind because we lack enough systems to ensure basic needs are met for them. When the grind is the only way to feed your family and afford rent, you gotta grind. The best way to break grind culture is to ensure that basic needs are met only requiring a standard work week and a single job.
Guess what? Right now I'm working on a project pretty much nonstop because I want to
I'm invested in the task, I want to get back to work immediately after breakfast (right now) because I know what I'm doing is important, and that when I have nothing important to do, I can just play mahjong or something online.
Treating your workers like competent, motivated adults will make them want to be competent, motivated adults.
I’m going to start by acknowledging I’m privileged not to worry too much about finances since I have a well paying job that I quite enjoy. I realize that the grind is a bitter necessity for some.
That said, living simply affords you the time to do this kind of thing. Notice how there’s no 70 inch MagnaPhallix 5000 OLED TV in the background. It’s old furniture in a cave. If you’re happy with simple things and time spent with friends you don’t need the grind as much.
It’s hard to find friends who are interested in sitting with you in a cave in a world full of material desires. Also, it’s not a cave, it’s a hollow tree. Have you never read Whinnie The Poo?
It is indeed a blessing. I had 4 very close friends who shared my enjoyment of simple things. One died, 2 went to prison, and the other lost his personality to politics. I haven’t really met any other people who I identify with in my adult life. I’m sure there are others out there, but it’s definitely harder to form bonds in middle age.
I’m really and truly all for not normalizing the grind and grind culture as I hate it. But right now, I’ve got to do it. I’ve got to put in time outside of work on this free online class on web development called The Odin Project because the thought of 20 more years in desktop support sickens me. So if I must grind out a year to improve my life, so sadly be it. I’m going to take a cat nap, recharge, and hit the books.
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