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villasv

@[email protected]

mostly inactive, lemmy.ca is now too tainted with trolls from big instances we’re not willing to defederate

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villasv , to pcgaming in PC graphics cards to get more expensive again "thanks" to AI boom

archive.is is privately funded by its owners, while archive.org is a registered non-profit. They are not the same.

villasv , to pcgaming in PC graphics cards to get more expensive again "thanks" to AI boom

I guess that should also translate into possibly higher prices for the Mac Pro/Studio line? Or not? I don’t really know, but not worrying about GPU prices feels nice.

villasv , (edited ) to mensliberation in We Know “NoFap” Is Misleading Men About Masturbation. It Might Be More Dangerous Than That.

because it’s “natural” to compulsively consume such both sugar and porn to classify them as non-addiction is a bit wishy

Well, that’s not the argument I’d make, nor does it seem to be the one presented by the sources for the article. I agree that this would be very wishy washy!

villasv , to mensliberation in We Know “NoFap” Is Misleading Men About Masturbation. It Might Be More Dangerous Than That.

I guess it makes sense that the psychology community would push back against the claim that pornography fits a scientific definition of addiction. The same deal goes for sugar: many people talk about sugar being addictive, but it’s pretty absurd to classify sugar as addictive substance, and the article raises this point very explicitly:

That isn’t to say that people can’t use pornography compulsively, as you may compulsively eat donuts or bacon every day against the best interests of your heart

And that’s what most people usually mean when they’re addicted to it. So I wouldn’t say that it’s indoctrination or “hive mind”, it’s just how people use the word “addiction” in day-to-day, non-scientifically-precise ways. You’re absolutely right to point that out because people should not seek addiction treatment for porn consumption, but it’s also understandable to seek treatment for compulsive consumption of whatever. Just like sugar and junk food, while the science doesn’t say it’s addiction, it also presents endless evidence on the negative effects of common patterns of consumption.

villasv , (edited ) to mensliberation in Yikes

I mean it’s a great way to flush out awful candidate partners

I’d say the opposite. It’s an obvious red flag that someone doesn’t open up about anything.

Show a little vulnerability and see how disinterested they get

Not my experience, but something not too different.

In every relationship, someone has to be the safe harbor for the other to withstand the occasional emotional crisis. This role can and should be taken in turns so that each one gets each other’s back. But when your insecurity/vulnerability matches with the other person, it takes a freaking HUGE amount of emotional intelligence and energy to be the person that tanks the crisis this one time and open up about this later, when the other person is ready to take turns.

What I observe in practice is that people (man and women) only learn how to deal with this situation in two extreme ways: 1) spiral into the storm along the partner - which is a fuckup because the other person is not ready for this; 2) suck it up forever and ever - which builds up resentment long-term.

There is a middle path. It takes time to acquire it, it takes even more time to teach it to a partner, but it’s one of the main ingredients of constructive conflict resolution.

villasv , to mensliberation in Yikes

That, and at the same time it’s manly to be angry.

So you’re supposed to be emotionless, unless the emotion pushes towards violence.

villasv , to mensliberation in High school boys are trending conservative

I think that’s an overall look we can all agree on; and if that’s the high level conceptualization that the original comment was aiming for, we’re good.

On the other hand, anyone who has a decent number of hetero women friends knows that even though the overall anxiety over being single has reduced (not zeroed, unfortunately), most are open to the idea of a relationship. And if you just go out there and ask them if they believe that such relationship could offer something of value, the answer will be: “of course”. And if you have a chat in most groups, stories of recent attempts to build a relationship abound. Women are still very open and as actively pursuant of men - in fact, more than in previous times in some ways.

Hence saying “women are deciding that most men don’t have anything of value to offer” is, in my view, an overly dramatic characterization of the feminist thought. We were speaking of extremism and you know what contributes to reactionary movements? Exaggerated characterizations of the other side. We want men to be self sufficient, not MGTOWs.

feminism teaching them how to fulfilling lives as people, and we have yet to do so as effectively with men

Amen

villasv , to mensliberation in Why men lose all their friends in midlife

Same here. Moving cities is much more common nowadays and it’s almost guaranteed a hard reset on friendships. Even if put in the work of keeping in touch, distant friendships are not as fulfilling as present ones anyway.

villasv , (edited ) to mensliberation in Why men lose all their friends in midlife

True male friendship is paradoxical, in that it is intimate without intimacy. Men neither touch each other physically nor discuss anything directly – what is said out loud is trivial and everything important is unspoken. If a subtext is identified, it’s quickly ignored before moving on, since no man wants to turn a subtext into an actual text over a few beers.

Is that true male friendship, though? Taking that flaky relationship and labeling it true friendship might be a contributing factor to see them not surviving the many ebbs and flows of life. My best friendships, the ones that are alive and well, are exactly NOT like that.

villasv , to mensliberation in Why men lose all their friends in midlife

Not parent commenter but to me it’s just someone that writes well that is rambling and leads nowhere.

I guess the objective is not to answer but to think out loud and be relatable, so some might enjoy the read. I didn’t.

villasv , to mensliberation in High school boys are trending conservative

Was women entering the workforce bad?

I wouldn’t have said so, so I don’t see utility in that analogy.

f you don’t learn the mentality of fascists you will never beat them.

Hah OK, thanks for the lecture. I guess I do need to learn to say “lots” when someone asks me for concrete evidence for a claim.

villasv , to mensliberation in High school boys are trending conservative

lol k

villasv , to mensliberation in High school boys are trending conservative

It can, sure. But I doubt it is. Do we have evidence of it?

villasv , to mensliberation in High school boys are trending conservative

Yes, that’s the point. I might be splitting hairs here, but I think the portrayal of these “confusing times” as a consequence of women walking away is part of the problem. Them walking away is part of the remedy for extremist sexism, not a cause for its increase in strength.

villasv , to mensliberation in High school boys are trending conservative

In fact I agree many men don’t have a net positive to offer. What I disagree with is the framing that women are “deciding” that, and I wouldn’t discard the idea that the increase in women freedom is contributing factor for an uptick in extremist sexism but I also think that warrants some proper care to back it up as a claim.

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