I love Unmasking Autism. I've now read almost the first half and there's this constant flow of "that's me!", "oh!" and "wtf?!" from my part.
Part about learning certain characteristics being unwanted and masking by overcompensating for them was especially revealing. Things that really resonated:
"Pretending I didn't know the answers to questions" and "Keeping silent when people said things that weren't true" in order not to appear arrogant.
"Solving problems by myself" and "Not getting 'too excited' about anything, including good things" in order not to appear annoying and loud.
"Nodding or laughing, even when I have no idea what's going on" in order not to appear clueless and pathetic.
"Not voicing my needs" in order not to appear sensitive.
I'm in this picture and I don't like it... It's not that I recognize ever being certain things but I recognize overcompensating.
My new therapist is also autistic and they asked me to envision who I could be if if I shed 50+ years of masking and let myself be fully, authentically me. It’s so exciting…I simultaneously grin and tear up when I think about it. I think I’ve been waiting for permission without realizing it. I can’t wait to see who emerges from this. #AutisticJoy#Unmasking#AutisticUnmasking#UnmaskingAutism#ActuallyAutistic@actuallyautistic