Fifi says " But the way out of it is to say 'I believe this fine gentleman/lady was before me'"
I do always try this (when I forget and cough or clear my throat) -- but it usually does not work -- I get the responses I described I guess designed to help me feel okay about my "racist" action. VERY hard to escape getting waived forwards!
Agree on the discomfort with COVID and coughs -- this predates it from my early 20s to now over 3 decades of shopping.
@admin Sorry, I deleted my post because I've never run into this and I suspect this is an American thing (not that there isn't racism in Canada and Quebec, there certainly is, it just often plays out differently than in the US). @EqualRightsAdvocates@blackmastodon
I'm a 54-year-old White guy in the USA and I have to infer that there must have been -- at one time not too long ago -- racist codes for "let the White person go first". I was never taught them, but I have to infer this from a few decades now of observing the following:
When I am standing in a small family-run store checkout line, and elderly Black people are in front of me, if I have a cough or need to clear my throat, something very strange happens. All eyes swivel backwards to look at me, and the elderly Black people in front of me all but fall over themselves to waive me to the FRONT OF THE LINE. Sometimes if I lock eyes with the shop keeper at the register, HE waives me forwards. At this point, there is NO POLITE GETTING OUT OF IT. I can try saying "I'm so sorry, I have a cold", or "you are clearly in front of me, please proceed", and none of it will work. Instead, I am given excuses to help ME feel better about myself. "Oh, no, I'm in no hurry", or "I have not quite decided if I have everything yet", or "the shopkeeper and I were just talking, we will be awhile, so please checkout first".
To be clear, I'm not the one being hurt (they are), but I AM mortified and embarrassed.
I've had to develop special procedures to combat this. I always stand a little further back in line, NEVER make eye contact with anyone, look intently at merchandise while waiting to checkout, and UNDER NO CIRCUMSTANCES ever clear my throat no matter how much I may need to.
I was reminded of this today when I (with plenty of room) passed an older Black woman in an aisle and merely nodded hello. She said "excuse me" and stepped backwards to give me more space. Huh.
Younger Black people don't do this (happily). Older Black people sometimes seem startled, like they have not encountered a White person coughing behind them in a long time -- but then their automatic training kicks in...
When I think about racism, I usually think about the more egregious examples (lynchings, denial of voting rights) but I have to wonder -- what was it like to just go on a mundane daily shopping trip in 1960?
QUESTION: Older folks reading this. Did/does this cough/throat-clear signal actually exist??
@admin Interesting observation! But the way out of it is to say "I believe this fine gentleman/lady was before me" and privilege the Black person getting served first. And you are also being hurt in a way because you're being roped into performing anti-Blackness even though you don't want to! @EqualRightsAdvocates@blackmastodon
@admin@EqualRightsAdvocates@blackmastodon I’ve never noticed this happening to me, but I’m not sure whether that’s because I’m a woman, or that I’m about a decade younger, if it’s locale dependent. Or some intersection of those identities.
It could be a White Male thing... As I think about it, it's every few years -- but over 30 years that is long enough to pick-up on the pattern... I used to be kind of antsy and lost in my own thoughts, but that does not totally explain it -- who gives up their spot to the guy behind them just because he presents as in a hurry? Don't really know, but it's happened in Washington, DC in my twenties and early 30s; and in the Catonsville area on the Baltimore City/Baltimore County line the last 12 or so years (Frederick Avenue and Route 40). Hmmm... both are areas that used to be wealthy White, now mixed race, with a wealthy White population still living near by... Don't know.