Internet police here. Stay calm, hands where I can see them. Now, this is how this is gonna go: there isn’t much I can do now as I wasn’t personally here 7 hours ago when you called but I’ll make sure to jot down some loose notes on this here notepad while I take your declaration. Then I’m gonna go ahead and misremember it all when I write a report no one will bother to read… Maybe put up some cameras around for next time, I don’t know. Just remember, we’re here to help.