I’m on a small instance and a large proportion of the lemmyverse is behind a fog of war. I can see some replies to my comments in my inbox, but not when I open the post. Also I’m seeing comms say they have xyz subscribers but I only see 2. Some comms I see no comments but my own. What I see logged in isn’t what I see logged out. Small instances have their drawbacks too. I’m still happy here though.
(I agree with you on the rest though. That’s my life goal.)