You can find it in the server list at the bottom of the website. Lemm.ee is pretty broad, as are most of the top instances.
Defederation isn’t a bad thing. .world isn’t federated with Hexbear and Lemmygrad because .world doesn’t like Marxist-Leninists, for example, so it can help keep an audience curated. Lemmy.ml liked Marxist-Leninists, so it is federated with them.