Been questioning if I should continue with my side projects and coding my tools since I’ve had people that known me for 5+ years be like “You’ve been trying to code malware for the past five years” and it is honestly depressing that with whatever progress I make people either demand more or they just end up asking me things like “What is the purpose?”.
I do this mostly for fun and I want to go back to the community college to go through the programs for networking and security certs that they offer, but last time I tried to go back I went to this online event thing where counselors were supposed to help me and the woman I got acted like my questions were stupid and would sigh and other things.
I start this new welding job on Thursday and my mom seems to trying to push me to do it for god knows how long, and things are just feeling like they are going toward a direction I don’t want. Sure welding seems cool and all, but I still kind of want to get into Red Team except I don’t think I’m good enough and so far my experiences with most folks supposedly in the field seem to just be in the mindset of when they started when the field has changed dramatically.
I’ve tried going the helpdesk route, but it just made me lose my soul, and I was overworked to the point I would get burnt out. I’ve tried writing articles and participate in various communities, but in all honesty, everyone made me feel inadequate and invisible. I used to be part of the 0x00sec community, but the people there were horrible to me, and so I started acting out even though I was a teenager. Tried going to Uni, but the boys there were pretty awful, to the point that one of the professors who talked to my mom the other day said they were shitheads.
Sorry for this rant, but in all honesty I don’t know anymore if I should even bother anymore trying to get into the industry, and I’m starting to really doubt if all I’ve been doing is even that good. My love is in hardware and osint. I’ve been trying to write things I think could help people and sharing what I can, but I feel like it just not good enough.