I hope you are not insulted when I say that your mental gymnastics are not at all impressive. Nonetheless, your “rendition” bears no resemblance to what I actually said. In fact, it supports my claim that you are hallucinating. You are seeing and hearing things that did not occur in reality.
If you are indeed struggling, I can recommend several substance abuse facilities, and if you tell me where you are, I can localize the recommendations to your area.